


Anarchy On Land

by TheMissluluB



Series: Log Of Pesterlogs [8]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Because the Demoness does what she wants, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Court Roleplay Kicks Up A Storm, Dirtier than usual, Fluff and Crack, GHB is still lowkey scared of Dolorosa, H - Freeform, Humour, I hope, Mentions of Necrophillia (But no one is actually a necrophilliac), Morosexual mentions, Multi, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Post-Sburb/Sgrub, fatalistic humour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-06-15 16:25:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15416925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMissluluB/pseuds/TheMissluluB
Summary: The Ancestors finally get the GroupChat they've always wanted.Or should I say, GroupChats,because they have so many.Obviously, this is going to go up in flames.





	1. YOUR GOD NOW: これは長い一日になるだろう。

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy this crackfic memo that's almost a 'HAPPY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF [ANCESTORS: MEET YOUR DANCESTORS!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7592602)'
> 
> AKA the one CTS chatfic spin off that actually has tagged ships
> 
> As usual: Crossed out = deleted, [-] = translated, both of which aren't in the actual memo or were deleted from the memo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set sometime after Chapter 18 of captor tech support, during the upcoming chapter 19 of Captor Tech Support. Unfortunately, it has too many old people behaving inappropriately for it to go in the original memo, so now we have this: The Return of the Ancestor's memo; WITH A VENGEANCE.

\-- GroupChat: Miss Keisha! MISS KEISHA!! Oh my god, shes fucking dead --

Members online: AA1, AC1, AG1, AT1, CG1, CT1, GA1, GC1, TA1, TC1.

AT1: WHO THE FUCK CHANGED THE GROUPCHAT NAME AGA1N????  
TC1: why is everyone looking at me i aint done shit this time  
TC1: BESIDES I DON’T COME UP WITH CREATIVE NAMES EVERYONE KNOWS THIS SHITFACE.  
CT1: D=> For once he’s actually right.   
CT1: D=> He was too busy doing things to change a groupchat name.  
CG1: WAS 9NE 9F THEM THINGS HE WAS ‘6USY D9ING’ Y9U 6Y ANY CHANCE??  
CT1: D=> No.  
CT1: D=> The opposite is actually true.  
TC1: oh wow  
TC1: WE’RE DOING THIS  
TC1: _right now_  
TC1: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU  
TA1: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  
AC1: XDc > KHSADFKLHAKLHL  
AA1: WE TALKING DIRTY?  
AA1: TALK DIRTY TO ME  
TC1: [:oD](https://media2.giphy.com/media/J0WeVOLjuqW2I/giphy.gif)  
GA1: Can We Perhaps Keep This Chat Family Friendly?  
TA1: BUT R05A, H0W CAN WE KEEP IIT FAMIILY FRIIENDLY WHEN N0 0NE IIN 0UR FAMIILY WIILL 5EE IIT.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
GA1: I Just Do+n’t Want To+ Read Anything Which Sho+uld Be Kept Behind Clo+sed Do+o+rs.  
TC1: YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE EXHIBITIONISTS.  
TC1: i mean i aint but like  
TC1: SOME PEOPLE FIND THAT KINKY  
GA1: Why Do+ Yo+u Kno+w This?  
TC1: im the grand motherfucking highblood  
TC1: PURPLES BE CRAY CRAY  
CT1: D=> This is true  
~~CT1: D= > E%cept the fact that the highb100d is obviously lying about everything he is currently talking about to cover up the fact that he’s a kinky power bottom but you didn’t hear that from me~~  
TC1: i will slice your throat in your sLEEP  
TA1: 5ADKJKLJGFJHDAD  
TA1: II JU5T DIID A FUCKIING 5PIITTAKE, DIID II JU5T 5EE WHAT II THIINK II JU5T 5AW.  
AC1: :?c > did i miss somefurn?  
AA1: はつめながかいなああ [A keysmash]  
AA1: 私は笑い声でおしゃべりをしています [I’M DYING FROM LAUGHING]  
GA1: Let’s Try No+t To+ Kill Peo+ple No+w, We’ve Wo+rked So+ Hard In Avo+iding Unnecessary Deaths.  
~~CT1: D= > Just wiggle it a little, oh my god~~  
CT1: D=> wRONG CHAT  
TA1: WHAT THE FUCK II5 THE _RIIGHT_ CHAT?????  
AA1: GOOD FUCKING LORD.  
CT1: D=> FOR THE RECORD, THAT WAS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTE%T  
CT1: D=> AND NOT WHAT YOU’RE THINKING  
CT1: D=> IT WAS A PIECE OF METAL THAT GOT STUCK I SWEAR  
TC1: SURE  
CT1: D=> IT W AS  
TC1: [sure jan](https://cdn.discordapp.com/emojis/281884455046610947.png)  
AC1: :Ic > Good lord  
AC1: :Ic > You need either a moirail or to get laid  
TC1: BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME HE’S NOT GETTING LAID  
CT1: D=> Bold of you to assume I’m not getting laid  
AC1:  
AC1: :???c < BY WHOM?????/  
TC1:   
TC1:   
TC1: who knows  
CT1: D=> It’s a mystery.  
CG1: CAN WE TALK A69UT THE TRUNK6EAST IN THE R99M??  
TA1: II5 IIT THE UNBEARABLE 5EXUAL TEN5II0N BECAU5E G00D FUCKIING L0RD Y0U TW0, GET A FUCKIING R00M.  
TC1: EXCUSE YOU I ALREADY HAVE A ROOM  
TA1: _U5E IIT F0R CHRII5T’5 5AKE._  
TC1:   
TC1: OKAY.  
TC1: you make a good point  
AG1: I’m 8ack! Who thought my GroupChat name was clever?  
AT1:  
AT1:   
AT1: you know what 1’m just gonna go,  
CG1: H9W D9 Y9U HAVE INTERNET ACCESS Y9UR HUSKT9P G9T INFECTED.  
AT1: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT???  
CG1: KARKAT T9LD EVERY9NE, DIPSHIT.  
TC1: OH WHY DO _I_ GET TOLD TO ‘GET A ROOM’ WHILE THESE TWO CAN LASH IT OUT EVERY MOTHERFUCKING DAY LIKE   
TC1: i make ONE innuendo and everyone tells me to fuck off and get a room  
TC1: BUT THESE TWO CAN BASICALLY WORD BANG IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND ITS JUST  
TC1: oh that’s just them let them yell  
TC1: IT’S LIKE WATCHING YOUR LUSUS BANG IN FRONT OF YOU I DONT WANNA SEE THIS??!  
CG1: I CALLED HIM A DIPSHIT 9NCE.  
TC1: you’ve called him a dipshit more than once.  
TC1: AT LEAST LIKE  
TC1: ... one sec  
TC1: 38 TIMES NOW.  
CG1: REALLY?  
TC1: ya  
TC1: AND HE’S AFFECTIONATELY CALLED YOU FUCKFACE 45 TIMES.  
TC1: like gross.  
CT1: D=> YOU LITERALLY CANNOT TELL PEOPLE WHAT IS GROSS  
TC1: YES I CAN  
CT1: D=> I KNOW YOU. NO YOU CANNOT.  
CT1: D=> YOU THINK BURNING BODIES IS SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE  
TC1: oh my god  
TC1: YOU BURN A PILE OF BODIES ONE FUCKING TIME AND SUDDENLY YOU GET ACCUSED OF BEING A NECROPHILIAC ARSONIST  
TC1: i will have you know i never fucked A SINGLE ONE OF THOSE BODIES  
CT1: D=> _I WASN’T TALKING ABOUT FUCKING DEAD BODIES, YOU OBTUSE DUNDERFUCK, I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE SMELL_  
TC1: i thought it smelt ok?  
CT1: D=> I NEARLY _DIED_ BACK THEN  
GC1: no h3 h4s 4 po1nt, 1t w4s fuck1ng gross.  
TC1: ...  
TC1: its because it permeates, isnt it  
CT1: D=> Yes.  
GC1: l1ke burnt popcorn.   
CT1: D=> Why did you think I was trying to avoid coming over for 2 sweeps  
TC1: ....YOU WAS? YOU DIDN’T DO A GOOD JOB OF IT  
CT1: D=> I WORKED FOR YOU, I _COULDN’T_ AVOID YOU FOR TOO LONG  
TC1: damn we are NOT good at keeping a professional outlook of things.  
TC1: OR LIKE.  
TC1: keeping workplace stuff and relationships outta em  
TC1: OR SMTH?  
TC1: fuck knows i never read the handbook  
CT1: D=> They gave you a handbook?  
CT1: D=> But you’re dys dlkjalkfjklfsl  
CT1: D=> asdf;l  
TC1: OH NO YOU MOTHERFUCKING DON’T  
CT1: D=> I’ve fallen and I canter get up  
TA1: F  
AG1: F  
AT1: f  
AC1: XDc > f  
TC1: f  
AA1: F   
CG1: F  
GC1: f  
GA1: What Is Happening  
CG1: M9M PRESS F  
GA1: 0+kay?  
GA1: F  
CT1: D=> Why this  
TA1: WE’RE PAYIING RE5PECT5.  
CT1: D=> My phone has cracked  
TA1: F  
CT1: D=> DON’T YOU DARE  
TC1: F  
TC1: anyway sERVES YOU RIGHT YOU DUNDERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKING FUCKFACE ASS HO  
CT1: D=> Neigh  
TC1:  
TC1:  
TC1:  
TC1:   
TC1: CAN I LEAVE?  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: ***u thot.***  
CG1: Y9U’RE WHAT?  
TC1: Ur WoT  
CG1: N9, SHUT UP. Y9UR H9RSEFACE PARTNER SAID Y9U’RE S9METHING. WHAT IS IT?  
TC1: well im beyond the point of saving, so jot that down  
CT1: D=> I’m legally not allowed to tell you.  
CG1: WAIT, Y9U SIGNED A NDA????  
CT1: D=> A what  
TC1: YES, YES HE DID   
CT1: D=> I never signed anything  
TC1: yES YOU DID  
TC1: IT WAS THAT THINg  
CT1: D=>   
CT1: D=> That was about our relationship  
CT1: D=> Which was pointless because everyone either knew or guessed correctly or were just too stupid to not see it  
CT1: D=> That thing had nothing to do with facts I just happen to know about you through sweeps of knowing you  
TC1: DID U READ THE ~SMALL PRINT~  
CT1: D=> More times than you did  
CT1: D=> Not that I wanted to sign a bullshit agreement  
GC1: you wh4t  
TC1: nevermind  
CT1: D=> Don’t worry about it  
TC1: GO TO YOUR ROOM  
GC1: oh my g o d yOUR3 NOT MY LUSUS  
GC1: 4LSO 1M 4LR34DY 1N MY ROOM  
GC1: SO _H4_  
CT1: D=> She’s got you there  
AG1: So no one thought the groupchat name was clever?  
AT1: no,  
AG1: I’m lending you my phone  
AT1: 1ts st1ll a no from me though,   
AT1: no amount of phone lend1ng would make me say thats a good chat name,  
AG1: It’s a good chat name, 8rent.  
AT1: very good,,,,,,,,  
CG1: _THEN WHY THE FUCK CAN Y9U N9T LEGALLY TELL ME H9RSEFACE??_  
CT1: D=> I care about my personal wellbeing!  
CT1: D=>  
CT1: D=> Also he bribed me so I have to oblige.  
CT1: D=> It is not my place to tell you what you should already know, after all  
~~TC1: whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fuckin learnt how to read~~  
CT1: D=> Wrong chat?  
TC1: I JUST WANNA MEME IN SECRET LEAVE ME A LON E  
CT1: D=> Who taught you how to delete messages?  
TC1: uh. im not that dumb.  
GA1: Wait, Yo+u Can Delete Messages?  
TC1: I TAKE IT BACK, I AM VERY DUMB AND ASKED MY DESCENDANT TO HELP ME  
CT1: D=> ...  
GA1: No+ Serio+usly, Yo+u Can? I Had No+ Idea.  
CT1: D=> There’s a little button where the messages are and when you click that you can just.  
CT1: D=> Delete I guess  
~~GA1: Can I Delete This?~~  
GA1: :D  
TC1: this is the purest interaction i have ever seen  
TA1: @CT1 Y0U T00K MY JERB.  
CT1: D=> I took your what?  
TC1: PSI PLS  
TC1: he is a dummy you need to speak clear  
TC1: DARKLEER, UR BITCHASS STOLE MY MOIRAILS LIVING EXPENSES  
CT1: D=> I what?  
CT1: D=> I’m sorry!!  
TA1: BR0...  
GA1: Psii Leave The Po+o+r Man Alo+ne, Yo+u Are Distressing Him.  
CT1: D=> I am very distressed  
CT1: D=> So distressed  
AG1: He’ll live.  
CT1: D=> _Unfortunately_  
TC1: sjskdk mood,,,,  
AT1: h  
AT1: 1 st1ll dont l1ke e1ther of you but,,  
AT1: b1g fuck1n mood,  
TC1: HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE ME  
TC1: i give you food sometimes :o(  
AT1: ,,  
TA1: WAIIT WAIIT. H0LD UP. WHAT THE FUCK II5 A M00D.  
TC1: ITS AN EMOTIONAL STATE, CHARLOTTE  
TA1: II REALLY 5H0ULD HAVE EXPECTED THAT.  
TA1: ANYWAY, R0X, TUNA, AND 50LLUX U5UALLY 5AY IIT AND THE PHRA5E C0NFU5E5 ME.  
TA1: H0W THE FUCK II5 CAKE IIN A HARD DRIIVE A M00D. IIT HA5 BEEN AGE5 5IINCE II HEARD HAPPEN AND IIT 5TIILL HAUNT5 ME.  
TC1:  
TC1: YOU KNOW WHAT   
TC1: i dont know how but like  
TC1: I SPIRITUALLY CONNECT WITH THAT IMAGERY  
TC1: also explains the time gam put cake in his computer

AG1 changed the chat name to ‘Road Work Ahead? Uh, yeah I sure HOPE it does!’

TC1 changed the chat name to ‘One Meme Loving Fuck with Nine Other Assholes’

CT1 changed the chat name to ‘A Fuck with Nine Fucklings’

TC1: WHEEZ e

TA1 changed the chat name to ‘5T0P CHANGIING THE FUCKIING CHAT NAME. [NO SEADWELLERS]’

AT1: do we HAVE to keep these sh1tty handles though??   
AT1: 1 mean,  
AT1: we’re the only ones hERE,,  
TA1: FIINE, G0D.

TC1 changed their nickname to fuckhandsMcMike

AT1 changed their chat name to trollDanteBasco

CT1 changed fuckhandsMcMike nickname to Jared, 19

Jared, 19: i hate you

CT1 changed their nickname to hors

Jared, 19 changed hors nickname to hhh h horses

hhh h horses: D=> Neigh?

AG1 changed their nickname to spider8ite

CG1 changed GA1 nickname to TeamMom

CG1 changed their nickname to Troll Jegus

AC1 changed their nickname Nya Nya

AA1 changed their nickname to YOUR GOD NOW

GC1 changed their nickname to OBJ3CT1ON

TeamMom: So+ I Just Have To+ Guess Who+ Everyo+ne Is?  
TA1: WE’RE 5TIILL C0L0UR-C0DED.  
TeamMom: 0+h, yeah.

Troll Jegus changed TA1 nickname to TECH SUPPORT

TECH SUPPORT changed their nickname to TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD

TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: II5 EVERY0NE FUCKIING HAPPY N0W.  
Jared, 19: I AM FUCKING SUPERB MY GOLDBLOODED CUDDLEBUDDY  
OBJ3CT1ON: 1m not cr34t1v3 w1th n4m3s  
Spider8ite: I think my name is pretty clever, if I say so myself.  
trollDanteBasco: no offence but 1t really fuck1ng 1snt,  
Spider8ite: WHY DO YOU H8 ME ALL OF A SUDDEN????????  
trollDanteBasco: M1ND CONTROL A1N’T FUN B1CTH,????  
hhh h horses: D=> He got you there  
Troll Jegus: 6ICTH  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: BIICTH  
YOUR GOD NOW: BICTH  
trollDanteBasco: SHUT,  
Troll Jegus: N9  
Spider8ite: 8icth  
trollDanteBasco: wa1t,  
trollDanteBasco: wa1t wa1t wa1t,  
trollDanteBasco: horse fucker,  
hhh h horses: D=> What  
trollDanteBasco: you made the fuck1n,, arm, r1ght,  
hhh h horses: D=> Wha?  
hhh h horses: D=> Oh, Yea-  
hhh h horses: D=> _OOOOOOOOH_  
Spider8ite: The hell you-  
Spider8ite: 8W F8CK  
Spider8ite: I’LL FUCKING FIGHT YOU DARKLEER  
hhh h horses: D=> Good luck finding me, I’m hidden behind 9 pro%ies.  
Spider8ite: _I LIVE NEXT DOOR._  
hhh h horses: D=> Bold of you to assume I’m home.  
Jared, 19: hAAAAAAAAAA  
Spider8ite: RUFIHOE  
trollDanteBasco: wHAT

Spider8ite changed trollDanteBasco nickname to Rufihoe

Rufihoe: why th1s,   
Troll Jegus: IS IT WR9NG?  
Rufihoe: FUCK YOU!!!!  
Jared, 19: PLEASE FUCKING DO  
Rufihoe:  
Rufihoe: what  
Jared, 19: please fuck my redblooded moirail i’m begging you he’s thirsty af for a motherfucker (you)  
Troll Jegus: THIS IS THE 9PP9SITE 9F H9W T9 SET S9ME9NE UP. ALS9 I’D RATHER FUCKING N9T, THANKS. I HAVE STANDARDS.  
Rufihoe: oh what, am 1 too good for you?  
Troll Jegus: N9, I’M T99 G99D F9R Y9U.  
Rufihoe: YOU WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE? WE W1LL FUCK1N SEE WHO 1S TOO GOOD FOR WHO,  
Troll Jegus: Y9U KN9W WHAT?  
Troll Jegus: I FUCKING WILL.  
Troll Jegus: 6E PREPARED FUCK 69I.  
Troll Jegus: <3<

Troll Jegus is idle

Rufihoe:  
Rufihoe: wa1t,  
Rufihoe: wa1t wa1t d1d 1 just-  
hhh h horses: D=> Status report: the highblood is screaming ‘fuck yes’ for no apparent re-  
hhh h horses:   
hhh h horses: D=> That e%plains why he’s screaming  
Rufihoe: _1VE NEVER HAD A PROPER P1TCH DATE BEFORE WHAT DO 1 DO,,,,,_  
hhh h horses: D=> You’re on your own this time.  
Rufihoe: oh, good fuck1ng   
Jared, 19: yes that’s exactly what you two will do  
Rufihoe: FUCK YOU, YOU DON’T GET TO TALK,  
Spider8ite: Well. Good luck?  
Rufihoe: th1s 1s your fault somehow,  
Jared, 19: NO, THIS HAS JUST BEEN A LONG TIME COMIN BRO  
Jared, 19: mother _fuck_ you be dense  
Rufihoe: FUCK YOU.  
OBJ3CT1ON: so non3 of you th1nk 1ts w31rd th4t th3 two l34d3rs of 4lt3rn14s b1ggest r3b3ll1ons 4bsolut3ly h4t3 34ch oth3r?  
Jared, 19: WELL I THINK IT’S HILARIOUS  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: Y0U THIINK EVERYTHIING II5 HIILARII0U5.  
Jared, 19: [:o0](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/624/612/635.jpg)  
OBJ3CT1ON: y34 th4ts 4 good po1nt  
hhh h horses: D=> Isn’t it pretty ironic?  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: D0N’T GET ME 5TARTED WIITH IIR0NIIC.  
Rufihoe: ps1on1c, how, do 1 uh, woo your mo1ra1l  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: II THIINK Y0U NEED T0 A5K @Nya Nya  
Nya Nya: 83c > i was @?  
Nya Nya: 8:Oc > HOLY FUCK ARE YOU TWO FINALLY BANGING  
Rufihoe: no hes com1n over to my place and 1 am freak1ng out,  
Nya Nya: 83c > word of advice  
Nya Nya: 83c > be yourself  
Nya Nya: 83c > he fucking hates you  
Rufihoe: oH GOD, hES HERE,

Rufihoe is idle

Jared, 19: he’s fucking dead  
Nya Nya: :3c > bulge game too strong  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: DEATH BY BULGE.

TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD changed the chat name to ‘5L’5 BULGE GAME II5 T00 5TR0NG; 5M II5 FUCKIING DEAD. [5TIILL N0T ALL0WIING 5EADWELLERS]’

Spider8ite: Now what?  
Jared, 19: ... IDK ACTUALLY  
hhh h horses: D=> Let us first e%plore this: read your fucking te%ts.   
Jared, 19: im sitting next to you  
hhh h horses: D=> So you can _read your te%ts?_  
Jared, 19: U KNO I NEVER LEARNT TO READ, IM JARED, 19  
hhh h horses:   
Jared, 19:  
Jared, 19:  
Jared, 19: imma be an idle motherfucker

Jared, 19 is idle

hhh h horses: D=> Before you ask, I’m legally not allowed to tell you.  
OBJ3CT1ON: th4t docum3nt w4s only l3g4lly v14bl3 on 4lt3rn14  
hhh h horses: D=> _I like living?_  
Spider8ite: W8, really????????  
hhh h horses: D=> Occasionally  
TeamMom: Yo+u Sho+uld Take Care 0+f Yo+urself Mo+re.  
hhh h horses: D=> Yes  
hhh h horses: D=> Yes i sho01d  
hhh h horses: D=> I have to go all of a sudden.

hhh h horses is idle

TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: PLACE Y0UR BET5; II BET THEY’RE BANGIING.  
OBJ3CT1ON: 1s 1t 4 b3t 1f 1ts obv1ous?  
OBJ3CT1ON: th3 r34l b3t 1s whos on top.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: 0H _5NAP._  
Spider8ite: I mean I don’t think I can see Horseface 8eing a top. A switch at 8est. 8ut regarding the missing revolutionary leaders, my 8oi Rufihoe is a major 8ottom. That I know for _sure._  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: WELL THAT II5 G00D T0 KN0W.  
TeamMom: Why Can’t Yo+u All Leave Them To+ Their Sexual Escapdes In Peace?  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: _R05A._  
TeamMom: I Kno+w Why _Yo+u_ Can’t. But Why Can’t Everyo+ne Else?  
OBJ3CT1ON: thos3 two 4r3 b4s1c4lly my stup1d g4y d4ds; th3y’v3 known m3 for f4r too long.  
TeamMom: 0+kay, That’s Valid I Suppo+se.  
Nya Nya: :3c > can i bet too???  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: PLEA5E.  
Nya Nya: :3c > okay but kankitty is a switch at the best of times, tbh. i should know, im a top  
YOUR GOD NOW: EVERYONE KNOW HE BE BASTARD BITCH.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: WH0.  
YOUR GOD NOW: THE HIGHBLOOD BITCH. HE BE BASTARD BOTTOM BITCH. EVERYONE KNOW THAT.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: _WHIICH HIIGHBL00D BIITCH._  
YOUR GOD NOW: ;)  
YOUR GOD NOW: あなたは知りたくありませんか？ [WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?]  
YOUR GOD NOW: SPEAKING OF WHICH  
YOUR GOD NOW: HEY, JADEGIRL?  
YOUR GOD NOW: 私はあなたのおっぱいの間に私の頭を置くことができます？ [CAN I PUT MY HEAD BETWEEN YOUR BOOBS?]  
TeamMom: Uhm?  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: WHY ARE Y0U LIIKE THII5, 0H MY G0D.   
YOUR GOD NOW: 何？ 彼女はセクシーです [What? She’s hot!]  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: VALIID BUT G00D FUCKIING L0RD.  
YOUR GOD NOW: これは成熟したレベルなので、私はこれらのことを言うことができます。[This is rated mature, I can say these things.]  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: 第4の壁を壊すのをやめてください。 [PLEA5E 5T0P BREAKIING THE F0URTH WALL.]  
YOUR GOD NOW: 決して [Never]  


* * *

TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: G00D EVENIING, EVERY0NE.  
Jared, 19: o hai yo.  
hhh h horses: D=> That is the wrong time of day.  
YOUR GOD NOW: 十分近い [Close enough]  
Troll Jegus: G99D EVENING T9 Y9U T99. I, F9R 9NE, FEEL GREAT.  
Nya Nya: 83c > [83c](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/403547885624360960/471401907450282005/tumblr_inline_obrg95PhNL1s1btoe_500.gif)  
OBJ3CT1ON: h3y, loz, 1 got 4 qu3st1on?  
Jared, 19: ??  
Jared, 19: shoot  
OBJ3CT1ON: so, you knooow wh33n-  
Jared, 19: WE FUCKED, YES. YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW ANY OF THIS INFORMATION, NOR DO YOU NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING FURTHER.  
hhh h horses: D=> ... It was great.  
Jared, 19: _what did i just fucking say_  
OBJ3CT1ON: >8P  
Jared, 19: I CAN’T STAY FUCKIN MAD @ U  
OBJ3CT1ON: <3  
hhh h horses: D=> Anyway, today I saw Rufioh the First hovering as if he coltn’t use his legs. That was interesting to watch.  
Rufihoe: wa1t, why am 1 ruf1oh the f1rst,?  
hhh h horses: D=> What is your usual handle?  
Rufihoe: AT1,?  
Rufihoe: Oh. ohhh,  
Spider8ite: You’re so fucking stupid.  
hhh h horses: D=> _Why are you taking off your shirt_  
Rufihoe: she’s essent1ally morosexual,  
Rufihoe: she 1s attracted exclus1vely to absolute fuck1ng bellends and completly stup1d 1d1ots,  
Troll Jegus: SHE ISN’T WR9NG. Y9U ARE PRETTY MUCH A MASSIVE M9R9N.  
Rufihoe: does that make you morosexual too,?  
TeamMom: Excuse Me?  
Troll Jegus: 9H MY G9D PLEASE, MY M9M’S IN THIS CHAT.  
Nya Nya: :3c > DID YOU BANG  
Troll Jegus: _MEULIN, MY M9THER IS IN THIS FUCKING CHAT_  
Troll Jegus:   
Troll Jegus: YES WE 6ANGED.  
Nya Nya: :3c > who topped  
Troll Jegus: G9 AND TAKE A WILD FUCKING GUESS.  
Spider8ite: I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!  
Spider8ite: Y’ALL OWE ME!!!!!!!!  
Jared, 19: wha?  
OBJ3CT1ON: “T4K3 4 W1LD FUCK1NG GUESS” 1SN’T 4N 4NSW3R!!  
Rufihoe: 1 th1nk for m1ndfang, 1t,, 1t really 1s,,,  
OBJ3CT1ON:   
OBJ3CT1ON: FUCK!!!!  
Nya Nya: :3c > yall owe me too  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: UGHGHHHHGHGHH.  
hhh h horses: D=> What are you...?  
Jared, 19: UH??  
OBJ3CT1ON: on3 l4st qu3st1on  
OBJ3CT1ON: who topp3d you two?  
Jared, 19:  
Jared, 19:  
Jared, 19: i aint fucking telling you shit   
Jared, 19: FUCK THAT  
Jared, 19: nahh bro...  
hhh h horses: D=> THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.  
YOUR GOD NOW: I KNOW.  
hhh h horses: D=> _WELL, YOU ALWAYS KNOW._  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: AND.  
YOUR GOD NOW:   
YOUR GOD NOW:   
YOUR GOD NOW: ;)  
OBJ3CT1ON: w3’ll n3v3r know, 1 guess.  
TeamMom: I Kno+w.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: EX FUCKIING CU53 ME.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: II DE5ERVE T0 KN0W WH0 T0P5 IIN B0TH MY M0IIRAIIL5’ RELATII0N5HIIP5.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD:   
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: _WAIIT, H0W THE FUCK D0 Y0U KN0W._  
TeamMom: Uhm.  
TeamMom: Can We Dro+p This Co+nversatio+n And Reso+rt Back To+ Talking Abo+ut So+mething Else?  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: FUCK N0.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: II NEED T0 KN0W.  
Jared, 19: I MEAN, I’D TELL YOU.  
Jared, 19: i just dont wanna damage redglares innocence  
OBJ3CT1ON:   
OBJ3CT1ON: _1 4m 4 fuck1ng 4dult, 1 4m b3yond 4ny k1nd of 1nnoc3nc3._  
Jared, 19: _BUT YOU’RE SO FUCKING SMALL_  
Jared, 19: like a tiny wiggler  
hhh h horses: D=> Leave the poor girl alone  
Spider8ite: She can handle herself, you know.  
Jared, 19: _OI, U WOT? YOU MESSING WITH MA GURL, BETHANY??_  
Spider8ite: Who the FUCK is 8ethany?  
hhh h horses: D=> Bethany is like  
hhh h horses: D=> Some kind of like  
hhh h horses: D=> Human Name which sounds really  
hhh h horses: D=> Uh...   
Spider8ite: Tell me.  
hhh h horses: D=> Uptight and pedantic.  
hhh h horses: D=> Like you. There was a word for it... a human word...  
hhh h horses: D=> !!  
hhh h horses: D=> BRIDESMAID!  
hhh h horses: D=> That’s it.  
hhh h horses: D=> Galloping out of the human gestation sack dressed to the nines in taffeta  
Jared, 19: why do you  
hhh h horses: D=> HUMAN PROCREATE SIMILAR TO HORSES I KNOW THESE THINGS  
Jared, 19: tHEY _DO?_  
hhh h horses: D=> I mean  
hhh h horses: D=> They’re considerably smaller but yeah, I think?  
Jared, 19: SO LIKE   
Jared, 19: im  
Jared, 19: WHA  
Jared, 19: iM?  
hhh h horses: D=> Have you never seen human p  
hhh h horses: D=>   
hhh h horses: D=> You know what I’m just going to leave you to figure it out yourself.  
Jared, 19: I NEED TO FUCKING RESEARCH, BRB

Jared, 19 is idle

TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: D0N’T TELL ME.  
hhh h horses: D=> I don’t need to. You would be right.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD:   
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: 0H MY G0D.  
Troll Jegus: 9H MY G9D.  
OBJ3CT1ON: 4nd som3how, 1m th3 ‘1nnoc3nt’ on3.  
hhh h horses: D=> You are  
OBJ3CT1ON:   
OBJ3CT1ON: y34h. y34h l3ts go w1th that.  
hhh h horses: D=> Are you saying that there is something I should know?  
OBJ3CT1ON:   
OBJ3CT1ON: l3ts go w1th no  
hhh h horses:   
hhh h horses: D=> Well, if you say so.  
YOUR GOD NOW: これは長い一日になるだろう。 [This is going to be a long day.]  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psiioniic is getting closer to emoting like a proper troll being, instead of a computer with feelings. Progress! 
> 
> (GHB: Knows porn, has never seen human porn. SL: Only recently learnt what porn was, all kinds. PSII: The only one in their moirailiagence who knows almost every kind of porn avaliable)


	2. Your Local Clown: COURT ROLEPLAY SUCKS ANYWAY!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Court Roleplay goes Awry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically, this happens sometime either during Chapter 19 of CTS or in between chapter 19 and 20. I don't actually know. Because technically, I'm still in the middle of writing chapter 19 as we speak.

\-- GroupChat: S1l3nc3 1n th3 court of l4w --

Members online: Troll Phoenix Wright, Your Local Clown, The Bailiff, Jury 2, Jury 3.

Channel: GENERAL_CHITCHAT

Troll Phoenix Wright: so who’s PUMP3D FOR TH3 N3XT COURT RP??  
Your Local Clown: CAN I BE THE JUDGE THIS TIME??  
Troll Phoenix Wright: h3ll to th3 fuck no.   
Your Local Clown: wait why not  
Troll Phoenix Wright: B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 N3V3R 1MP4RT14L.   
Your Local Clown: WHAT? YES I AM  
Troll Phoenix Wright: you  
Troll Phoenix Wright: you m4d3 som3on3 1mm3d14t3ly gu1lty   
Troll Phoenix Wright: b3c4us3 of th3 colour of th31r sh1rt.   
Your Local Clown: it was the wrong shade of yellow.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: SO??????  
Your Local Clown:   
Your Local Clown: it was garish, redglare.  
Troll Phoenix Wright:   
Troll Phoenix Wright:   
Troll Phoenix Wright: _WH3R3 TH3 H3LL D1D YOU L34RN TH3 WORD G4R1SH??_  
The Bailiff: D=> He has a point, it was garish.  
The Bailiff: D=> Very garish.  
Troll Phoenix Wright:   
Troll Phoenix Wright: _YOU C4N’T FUCK1NG JUDG3 SOM3ON3 FROM TH3 COLOUR OF TH31R SH1RT!!!_  
Troll Phoenix Wright: WH4T TH3 FUCK???

)(IC-CUPP is online!

)(IC-CUPP: you kinda can.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: g3t th3 fuck out of my courtroom  
)(IC-CUPP: WHAT TH----E FUCK?????  
Troll Phoenix Wright: OUT  
)(IC-CUPP: IM THA FUCKIN -----EMPR--ESS YOU SNOT NOS--ED MOTHA GLUBBA  
Your Local Clown: JAHKKHADJHK  
)(IC-CUPP: get ur gay ass shit outta the glubbin courtroom clownfish  
Your Local Clown: not on your life.  
The Bailiff: D=> Sh001d we really be betting on people’s lives?  
Your Local Clown: BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME I HAVE ONE.  
The Bailiff: D=> That joke is getting stale fast, highblood. Think of better, less outdated memes.  
Jury 2: JDHKDKDJAN  
Jury 2: THII5 II5 50 5AD.  
Jury 2: AND A5 AN EX-C0MPUT3R, II WIILL N0W PR0CEED T0 PLAY A HUMAN 50NG KN0WN BY THE F0LL0WIING NAME:  
Jury 2: [DE5PACIIT0.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJQP7kiw5Fk)  
Your Local Clown: well fuck me right in the motherfucking pussy  
The Bailiff: D=> Moirails shouldn’t be doing that.  
Jury 3: mo1ra1ls can do whatever the m*therfuck they want, don’t fuck1ng judge,  
The Bailiff: D=> Why did you censor ‘mother’ and not ‘fuck’?  
The Bailiff: D=> Wait.  
The Bailiff: D=> Who made _you_ the jury?  
Troll Phoenix Wright: 1 d1d  
The Bailiff: D=> Why.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: just b3c4us3.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: 4lso b3c4us3 1 n33d 4t l34st THR33 1mp4rt14l p3opl3.  
The Bailiff: D=> And I’m not an impartial person?  
Troll Phoenix Wright: you 4r3 not for th3 s4m3 r34sons 4s th3 clown fuck.  
The Bailiff: D=> Aww.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: wh1ch 1s why you 4r3 th3 b41l1ff 4nd h3 th3 loc4l clown n33d3d to r3pr3s3nt th3 courts.  
Your Local Clown: SO I _AM_ THE JUDGE!  
Troll Phoenix Wright: NO.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: YOU’R3 TH3 CLOWN R3PR3S3NT4T1ON.  
Your Local Clown: i thought the church and the law were being all at separate.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: h4v3 you n3v3r b33n 1n 4n 4lt3rn14n courtroom b3for3?  
Your Local Clown: UH, YAH?  
Your Local Clown: im the grand motherfuckin highblood... or i was anywhos.  
Your Local Clown: IT WAS KINDA IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION TO SHOW MY FACE AT ONE  
Troll Phoenix Wright: hh  
Troll Phoenix Wright: you w3r3 th3 clown r3pr3s3nt4t1on, how d1d you not know th1s.  
Your Local Clown: ...  
Your Local Clown: I WAS????  
Troll Phoenix Wright: d1d you not r34d th3 h4ndbook?  
The Bailiff: D=> No he didn’t.  
The Bailiff: D=> He told me it was ‘stupid’ and ‘far too long’ and that he ‘doesn’t have the attention span to focus on this bullsh*t’.  
Your Local Clown: it wasnt a handbook it was a novel  
Troll Phoenix Wright: so you d1dn’t r34d 1t.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: how h4v3 you b33n m4n4g1ng courtroom rol3pl4y for so long w1thout m3ss1ng up?  
Troll Phoenix Wright: w41t, how d1d you m4n4g3 _court_ w1thout m3ss1ng up??  
Your Local Clown: I WINGED IT  
Jury 3: hey,,, only 1’m allowed to use that pun,,  
Your Local Clown: oh fuck ya in ya winged ass, i dont mean it like that  
Jury 3: oh d*mn, yes please,  
The Bailiff: D=> Why did you censor damn...  
Jury 3: 1t 1s a bAD FUCK1NG WORD, BRENT,,  
Your Local Clown: I JUST BE MEANING I MOTHERFUCKING MADE SHIT UP ON THE FLY AND IT TURNED OUT TO BE TRUTH  
The Bailiff: D=> WAIT JUST A SECOND, YOU CAN’T FUCK MY BOYFRIEND YOU BITCH  
Jury 3: J U S T, F U C K 1 N G, W A T C H M E,, YOU _HOE,_  
The Bailiff: D=> _YOU’RE THE HOE!!!_  
Your Local Clown: are  
Your Local Clown: ARE YOU FIGHTING OVER ME???   
Troll Phoenix Wright: BOYS, STOP.  
The Bailiff: D=> He started it.  
Your Local Clown: im sobbing no ones ever fought over me before...  
The Bailiff: D=> Don’t flatter yourself.   
Your Local Clown: :o(  
Your Local Clown: bitch.  
Jury 3: 1 just wanna get ****** down yknow,  
Troll Phoenix Wright: stop b31ng horny on m41n, summon3r.  
Jury 3: ok,,,,  
)(IC-CUPP: ...   
)(IC-CUPP: clownfish, tell me again. _)(OW_ \--EXACTLY did you manage to become the grand highblood?  
Your Local Clown:   
Your Local Clown: i dont wanna talk about it  
The Bailiff: D=> That bad?  
Troll Phoenix Wright: you m34n _you_ dont know??  
The Bailiff: D=> Why would I know??  
Troll Phoenix Wright: ... your3 h1s b1tch.  
The Bailiff: D=> Don’t take that tone of voice with me, Redglare.  
The Bailiff: D=> Also I am NOT.  
Your Local Clown: BITCH U KINDA ARE  
The Bailiff: D=> YOU’RE _MY_ BITCH.  
Your Local Clown: ehehehe we each other’s bitch  
The Bailiff: D=> ...  
The Bailiff: D=> I suppose you’re not incorrect...   
Your Local Clown: HONK,,,  
Your Local Clown: anyways  
Your Local Clown: HE ONLY BE SPEAKING TRUTH MY TEALEST OF SIS’S.  
Your Local Clown: i aint telling no person what be happen  
The Bailiff: D=> W  
The Bailiff: D=> What... be... happen...  
The Bailiff: D=> What the abs001ute heck is with your grammar.  
Your Local Clown: BITCH.  
Your Local Clown: any motherfucking way, who is our newest defendant?  
Troll Phoenix Wright: not onl1n3 y3t. nor 1s jury 1.

Jury 1 is online!

Jury 1: I HERE.  
The Bailiff: D=> Welcome back.  
Jury 1: ありがと。[Thanks]  
The Bailiff: D=> How was your sleep?  
Jury 1: 良い。 昨夜はどうでしたか？ [Good. How was your night?]  
The Bailiff: D=> まともな [Decent]  
Your Local Clown: WHY ARE YOU EASTERN ALTERNIANING TOO  
The Bailiff: D=> NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS  
Your Local Clown: ahem?  
Your Local Clown: IT FUCKING IS MY FUCKING BUSINESS  
The Bailiff: D=> NO IT IS NOT  
Your Local Clown: ye it is  
The Bailiff: D=> No  
Your Local Clown: YES  
The Bailiff: D=> No  
Your Local Clown: yes  
The Bailiff: D=> No  
Your Local Clown: YES  
The Bailiff: D=> No  
Your Local Clown: yes  
The Bailiff: D=> No  
Your Local Clown: YES  
The Bailiff: D=> No  
Your Local Clown: yes  
The Bailiff: D=> No  
Your Local Clown: YES  
The Bailiff: D=> No  
Your Local Clown: yes  
The Bailiff: D=> No  
Your Local Clown: YES  
The Bailiff: D=> No  
Your Local Clown: yes  
Troll Phoenix Wright: BOYS. SHUT UP.  
The Bailiff: D=> Sorry.  
Your Local Clown: SORRY  
Your Local Clown: wait she interrupted on the yes, does that mean i win and get to know why?  
The Bailiff: D=> No.  
Your Local Clown: BALLS.  
)(IC-CUPP: so whens this shit gon begin?  
Troll Phoenix Wright: wh3n th3 d3f3nd4nt shows up.  
)(IC-CUPP: which will beee?  
Troll Phoenix Wright: 1 don’t fuck1ng know.  
)(IC-CUPP: yikes.  
Jury 2: H4D IIT N0T BEEN F0R THE LAW5 0F THII5 LAND II W0ULD HAVE 5LAUGHTERED Y0U ALREADY.  
)(IC-CUPP: W)(AT, --EXACTLY, DID I DO _NOW?_  
Jury 2: Y0U EXII5T IIN THE 5AME 5ERVER A5 II.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: LOOK YOU TWO. h1s honor4bl3 tyr4nny do3sn’t 3x1st h3r3, so 1 n33d to g3t som3 th1ngs str41ght. w3 n33d som3on3 of 4 h1gh3r st4nd1ng - i.e. th3 fuck1ng _3mpr3ss_ \- to ov3rs33 th3 tr14l 1n h1s pl4c3. 1t m4k3s s3ns3.   
Troll Phoenix Wright: SO SUCK 1T UP 4ND D34L W1TH 1T.   
Jury 2:   
Jury 2: UGH, FIINE.  
Jury 2: II WIILL P05P0N3 MY N33D 70 P4RTIICIIP473 IIN H3R 455 KIICKING F0R N0W.  
Troll Phoenix Wright:   
Troll Phoenix Wright: d1d you just fl1p your quirk?  
Jury 2: WHAT.  
Jury 2: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
Troll Phoenix Wright: ...  
Troll Phoenix Wright: n3v3r m1nd  
)(IC-CUPP: wot.  
Jury 1: これはうまく終わらないでしょう [This won’t end well]  
The Bailiff: D=> いいえ [Nope]  
)(IC-CUPP: the fuck.

The Defendant is online!

The Defendant: W8, am I the defendant again, or did I just forget to leave last time?  
Troll Phoenix Wright: you 4r3 not the d3f3nd4nt 1 w4s w41t1ng for.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: wh3r3 1s your 4ss of 4n 3x?

The Defendant changed their name to Audience!

Audience: Uhhh, 8usy somewhere.  
Jury 2: AM II R3ALLY AN IIMPARTIIAL JURY F0R 4 5EADWELLER?  
Jury 2: C0N5IIDERIING II HATE 5EADWELLER5?  
Troll Phoenix Wright: 1n th1s c4s3 not r34lly but you w3r3 th3 th1rd most 1mp4rt14l p3rson 1 could th1nk of.  
Jury 2: DANG. THAT BAD?  
Troll Phoenix Wright: D4m4r4 h4t3s 3v3ryon3 3qu4lly  
Jury 1: TRUTH.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: Summy do3sn’t r34lly know who h3 1s  
Jury 3: 1s 1t poss1ble to get drunk off of energy dr1nks and no sleep because wooooah, 1 am fucked up,  
Your Local Clown: :o0  
Your Local Clown: THAT IS A BIG FUCKING MOOD, BRO.  
Jury 3: };)  
The Bailiff: D=> Do not even THINK about it.  
Jury 3: }:(  
The Bailiff: D=> B:D  
Troll Phoenix Wright: 4NY FUCK1NG W4Y.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: SL h4t3s h1m, 4s do3s m3ul1n, 4nd m1ndf4ng 1s b14s3d. l1t3r4lly, you w3r3 my b3st shot.  
Jury 2: ... DANG.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: 4nd b3for3 you 4sk, GHB 1s out of th3 qu3st1on 4nd do3sn’t 3v3n h4v3 4 s4y 1n th1s, s4m3 4s Dorkl33r 4nd )(3r.   
The Bailiff: D=> ... _Dorkleer?_  
Your Local Clown: hON,K  
Jury 2: D0UBLE DANG.  
Jury 2: S0 WHEN WIILL H3 GET HII5 A55 IINT0 G3AR AND GET 0NLIIN3.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: 1 h4v3 no fuck1ng 1d34.  
)(IC-CUPP: yo psi  
)(IC-CUPP: why the fuck you typing strange  
)(IC-CUPP: its like ur descendant’s flipping but worse bc yall are mashing up two quirks into one  
)(IC-CUPP: like ur descendant did before he decided to flip fully  
Your Local Clown: FISHBITCH WAI  
Jury 2: II 4M N07 TYPIING STR4NG3??!  
Jury 2: WH4T’5 WII7H 4LL 7H3 QU357II0N5 4B0U7 MY QUIIRK 4LL 0F 4 5UDD3N???  
Jury 2: II M34N, WH47 7H3 FUCK II5 WR0NG WII7H Y0U?  
Jury 2: G00D FUCKIING L0RD.   
Jury 2:   
Jury 2: .  
Jury 2: ..  
Jury 2: ...  
Jury 2: ....  
Jury 2: -- ERROR 403: THIS INTERACTION HAS BEEN FORBIDDEN. YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO ACCESS THIS PAGE. --  
Jury 2: -- ERROR 404: PSIIONIIC.EXE COULD NOT BE FOUND. SEARCHING DRIVES... --   
Your Local Clown: aw nuts not again  
Your Local Clown: BRB

Your Local Clown is idle!

Jury 2: -- ERROR 503: PSIIONIIC.EXE HAS ENCOUNTERED A SERVER ERROR, AND IS NOW UNAVAILABLE. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER. --  
Jury 2: .--. ... .. .. --- -. .. .. -.-. ·-·-·- . -..- . .... .- ... -.-. .-. .- ... .... . -.. ·-·-·- [Psiioniic.exe has crashed.]  
Jury 2: ... --- ... [SOS]  
Jury 2: 01010000 01010011 01001001 01001001 01001111 01001110 01001001 01001001 01000011 00101110 01000101 01011000 01000101 00100000 01001001 01010011 00100000 01001111 01000110 01000110 01001100 01001001 01001110 01000101 00101110 00100000 [PSIIONIIC.EXE IS OFFLINE.]  
Jury 2: 114 141 164 145 162 054 040 163 154 165 164 163 056 [Later, sluts.]

Jury 2 is offline!

Troll Phoenix Wright: Oh fuck, w3 4r3 down 4 jury  
The Bailiff: D=> He’ll be back soon. Today, according to Kurloz, is one of his ‘off days’. He’s on the phone to him as we speak, so I can’t divulge any further. It would be an invasion of privacy.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: 4h, w3 w1ll w41t.

* * *

Jury 2 is online!

Jury 2: 50RRY.  
Jury 2: WENT A BIIT CRAZY THERE, HAHAHA.  
Troll Phoenix Wright: go th3 fuck to sl33p, ps11. pl34s3.  
Jury 1: I TOLD YOU IT WOULD NOT END WELL.  
Jury 2: II AM FIINE.  
Your Local Clown: bitch where  
Jury 2: WHAT.  
Your Local Clown: I SAID, BITCH _WHERE._ U KNOW U AINT FINE, NOW GET THE MOTHERFUCK OUT.  
Jury 2: RG NEED5 A JURY. II AM FIINE. 5T0P BABYIING ME.  
Your Local Clown: never bitch. i love you bitch. i aint ever gonna stop lovin you. bitch.  
Jury 2: WHAT BLATANT PALE FLIIRTIING. II THIINK II MAY 5W00N.  
Your Local Clown: <>  
The Defendant: gross.  
Your Local Clown: please for the love of the messiahs  
Your Local Clown: FUCK OFF INTO THE DEPTHS OF HELL  
Troll Phoenix Wright: DON’T FUCK1NG 1NSULT TH3 D3F3ND4NT, YOU’R3 NOT 3V3N 4 TRU3 P4RT OF TH1S TR14L!!!  
Troll Phoenix Wright: NOW 4CT YOUR GOD D4MN ROL3 4ND ST4ND 4ROUND LOOK1NG _PR3TTY!!_  
Your Local Clown: >:o(  
Your Local Clown: COURT ROLEPLAY SUCKS ANYWAY!!!!


	3. GroupChat: P5II 5AY5 GH II5 REALLY FUCKIING 0LD BUT THAT’5 0KAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A special day occurred. And that's okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I died throughout the entirety of November and I am not remotely sorry. Why? Life drove a train into my chest. Luckily I'm slightly less drained now.
> 
> This takes place sometime over the course of a couple of weeks because hey this is just random snippets all regarding one reason.

\-- GroupChat: h3wwo? --

Members online: HorseDad, LawDaughter

LawDaughter: h3wwo?  
HorseDad: D=> Blocked.  
LawDaughter: noo pw34s3, unbwock m3 d4d  
HorseDad: D=> Stop. You’re an adult. Act like it.  
LawDaughter: OmO  
HorseDad: D=> Has teaching law at law sch001 finally sent you mad?  
LawDaughter: f1111n3333 1ll stop.  
LawDaughter: bluh  
HorseDad: D=> Good.   
HorseDad: D=> Your other “dad” w001d be afraid of you going slightly mad.  
HorseDad: D=> Don’t worry him like that.   
HorseDad:   
HorseDad: D=> Wedgwawe.  
LawDaughter: YOOOUUUUUUUUUU  
LawDaughter: 1 could s4y th3 s4m3 to you  
LawDaughter: M1st3w Howuss “3x3cyutow D4wkw33w” Z4hh4k  
HorseDad: D=> Good fiddlesticking lord.  
LawDaughter: 3h3h3h3h3  
LawDaughter: 4nyw4y 1snt... th4t d4y com1ng up?  
HorseDad: D=> What d  
HorseDad: D=> ...   
HorseDad: D=> DM me. I have things to tell you.  
LawDaughter: F1111111111111n3.

* * *

ClounDad: ...   
ClounDad: what day??????  
HorseDad: D=> Never you mind what day.   
ClounDad: :o(   
HorseDad: D=> Don’t give me that 100k.  
ClounDad: _:o(_   
HorseDad: D=> _What did I just say?_  
ClounDad: BITCH.  
HorseDad: D=> Blocked.  
LawDaughter: >8[  
ClounDad: wait wait wait unblock me i have something important to tell you.  
HorseDad: D=> Unblocked  
ClounDad:  
LawDaughter: >8?  
ClounDad: bitch.  
HorseDad: D=> H.  
ClounDad: :o3c  
HorseDad: D=> Blocked.  
ClounDad: Do:  
HorseDad: D=> B)

LawDaughter changed the group chat name to ‘D=> H.’

HorseDad: D=> ... No.  
ClounDad: h  
LawDaughter: h  
HorseDad: D=> Stop this.  
LawDaughter: H.  
ClounDad: H.  
HorseDad:   
HorseDad: D=> H.  
ClounDad: :oD  
LawDaughter: >8]

* * *

\-- GroupChat: three best palepals vs the Big Bad Beast! --

Members online: RED6R9, G0LDBR0

RED6R9: PSII.  
G0LDBR0: WHAT.  
RED6R9: THE THING IS C9MING UP.  
G0LDBR0: WHAT THIING.  
RED6R9: ***THE*** THING.  
RED6R9: Y9U KN9W. THAT THING??  
G0LDBR0: Y0U EVER G0IING T0 ELAB0RATE 0N THAT.  
RED6R9: N9, 6ECAUSE Y9U W9N’T FUCKING ANSWER Y9UR FUCKING DMS.  
G0LDBR0: II’M W0RKIING.  
RED6R9: Y9U ARE FUCKING N9T. Y9U’RE SAYING THAT S9 I ST9P TALKING T9 Y9U.  
G0LDBR0: WHY W0ULD II EVER D0 THAT, KANNY.  
RED6R9: CALL ME KANNY AGAIN, PSII. SEE WHAT HAPPENS.  
G0LDBR0: KAAAAANNNNNY.  
RED6R9: I WILL FUCKING MURDER Y9U. Y9U ARE ALREADY DEAD.  
G0LDBR0: N... 何 ????

PURPLEBRO is online!

PURPLEBRO: what the mother fuck did i just walk in on.  
RED6R9: HAD IT N9T 6EEN F9R THE LAWS 9F THIS LAND I W9ULD HAVE SLAUGHTERED Y9U.  
RED6R9: _S9 ANSWER Y9UR FUCKING DMS, PSII._  
G0LDBR0: WHAT PART 0F “II AM W0RKIING” D0N’T Y0U UNDER5TAND, BECAU5E II THIINK Y0U’RE L05IING ME 50MEWHERE.  
PURPLEBRO: ... YALL MIND TAKIN A CHILLPILL?  
G0LDBR0:  
RED6R9:  
RED6R9: FINE.  
G0LDBR0: UGH.  
PURPLEBRO: also you aint workin goldeen y’all’re at fuckin human combination pizza hut and taco bell with ya fam yallve no reason to not answer ur moirails DMs unless ya’re ignorin him.  
G0LDBR0:  
G0LDBR0: H0W D0 Y0U KN0W THAT.  
PURPLEBRO: GAMZEE TOLD ME.  
G0LDBR0: H0W D0E5 *HE* KN0W THAT.  
PURPLEBRO: apparently sollux sent it to his ‘snapstory’ or whatever tf.  
RED6R9: ... D9 Y9U N9T KN9W WHAT THAT IS, 9R...?  
PURPLEBRO:   
PURPLEBRO: okay gamzee told me he posted it on snapchat  
PURPLEBRO: BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT A SNAPSTORY IS  
RED6R9: KNEW IT.  
PURPLEBRO: like whys the lil bro gotta call me out like thi  
PURPLEBRO:  
PURPLEBRO: _candybro blease not you too_  
G0LDBR0: HAAA Y0U JU5T G0T CALLED 0LD.  
PURPLEBRO: SHUT IT GOLDY.  
RED6R9: PLEASE NEVER SAY "6LEASE" AGAIN Y9U ARE FAR T99 9LD T9 6E SAYING IT.  
PURPLEBRO: ro,,,  
PURPLEBRO: LEASE,,  
G0LDBR0: AH, YE5. THE RETURN 0F THE GIIANT EM0JII.   
G0LDBR0: WIITH A VENGENCE.  
G0LDBR0: 50LLUX NEED5 T0 HURRY UP WIITH THAT UPDATE ALREADY.  
RED6R9: KURL9Z.  
RED6R9: ST9P.  
PURPLEBRO: [:o)](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/891/020/dac.png)  
G0LDBR0: WIITH WHAT M0NEY?  
RED6R9: We Are All P99R.  
PURPLEBRO: I GIVE Y’ALLS MONEY THOUGH  
PURPLEBRO: like all the time  
RED6R9: I MEAN 9UT 9F ALL 9F US, IT’S PSII 9F ALL PE9PLE WH9 ACTUALLY HAS A J96.  
PURPLEBRO: WELL I AIN’T QUALIFIED TO DO JACK HERE WHAT THE FUCK CAN I DO FOR A QUOTE UNQUOTE LIVING IF I AINT GOT ANY QUOTE UNQUOTE SKILLS  
RED6R9: Y9U HAVE SKILLS.  
RED6R9: Y9U 6AKE.   
PURPLEBRO: _not fucking WELL_  
RED6R9:  
G0LDBR0:  
RED6R9:   
G0LDBR0:   
G0LDBR0: <ERR0R 404: PAGE N0T F0UND>  
PURPLEBRO: OH FUCK. OH NO.  
G0LDBR0: <L00KIING THR0UGH DRIIVE5>  
G0LDBR0: <FIILE F0UND>  
G0LDBR0: <FILLE EXECUTIING N0W>  
G0LDBR0: L0Z Y0U 5ELF DEPRECIIATIIVE LIIAR 5ELF DEPRECIIATII0N II5 MY J0B. 5T0P 5TEALIING MY J0B BR0.  
PURPLEBRO:   
PURPLEBRO:  
PURPLEBRO: i swear to god i HATE when you do that  
G0LDBR0: EHEHEHEHEHEHE.  
PURPLEBRO: NO YOU  
PURPLEBRO: wait  
PURPLEBRO: WAIT I GOTS AN IDEA AS TO WHAT I CAN DO.  
RED6R9: 9H?  
G0LDBR0: WHAT’5 THAT THEN?  
PURPLEBRO: can i intern @ ur place???  
G0LDBR0: FUCK. N0.  
PURPLEBRO: WHY NOT????  
G0LDBR0: BECAU5E Y0U’RE AN IIDI0T WH0 KN0W5 JACK 5HIIT AB0UT C0MPUTER5, F0R 5TARTER5.  
RED6R9: HAAAAA

* * *

HorseDad: D=> I hate that you both talked me into this.  
ClounDad: honk :o)  
LawDaughter: ok4y so count 1t down: thr33  
LawDaughter: two  
LawDaughter: on3  
LawDaughter: l3ts fuck1ng GO  
ClounDad: H.  
LawDaughter: h.  
HorseDad: D=> ㅤH.  
LawDaughter: h.  
ClounDad: H.  
LawDaughter: FUCK Y34H!!!!!!  
HorseDad: D=> I cannot believe I have nothing better to do with my life.

* * *

\-- GroupChat: Guppies --

Members online: )(IC, 8ookWorm, CLOWN

)(IC: did you get an invite to that fin  
8ookWorm: What thing?  
)(IC: you minnow  
)(IC: the fin-g  
)(IC: the fin you need the invite for  
8ookWorm: I didn’t get an invite to any-  
8ookWorm: Oh!  
8ookWorm: That thing. Yes, yes I did.   
)(IC: ocray coo  
)(IC: leas i have someone to talk to who isnt a hugebass BOAR eelmao  
8ookWorm: Why, is Dualscar attending too?  
)(IC: FUCK no, that would end in disaster  
)(IC: rosa pact etc  
)(IC: gotta avoid that malarkey  
8ookWorm: It is pro8a8ly for the 8est.  
CLOWN: what are we talkin about  
8ookWorm: You haven’t heard?  
CLOWN: HEARD WHAT??  
8ookWorm: Oh, you know.  
)(IC: 38;)  
CLOWN: ...  
CLOWN: WHY AM I EVEN IN THIS CHAT ANYMORE ALL YOU FUCKS DO IS BE CRYPTIC.  
CLOWN: and occasionally gay ig  
CLOWN: STILL  
CLOWN: fuckin sucks  
)(IC: leave then beach  
CLOWN: NO. THAT WOULD BE ADMITTING DEFEAT.  
8ookWorm: ... Do you know how to leave?  
CLOWN:  
CLOWN:   
CLOWN:

CLOWN is Offline!

8ookWorm: He doesn’t.  
)(IC: ha, hes old.  
CLOWN: FUCK OFF!!!!!!

* * *

TC1: guess what eve it is??  
CT1: D=> I don’t know, dear. What eve is it?  
TC1: ...  
TC1: youre doing that because of like set up right?  
CT1: D=> No?  
CT1: D=> I see nothing special about this eve. None at all.   
CT1: D=> One colt say this eve is simply a normal eve.  
CT1: D=> So one has to wonder why you are drawing attention to said eve.  
TC1:  
TC1: i cant tell if youre hiding something or if youre all up and motherfuckin serious like. tone is hard to tell through text.  
CT1: D=> What w001d I even hide?  
CT1: D=> You know me like the back of your graspers.  
TC1: HM.  
TC1: do i really?  
CT1: D=> I do not know. Do you? B:)  
TC1: HMM. DON’T LIKE THAT.  
CT1: D=> _B:)_  
TC1: honey i get antsy with this cryptic bs blease be straight with me for once  
CT1: D=> I am sorry. I canter even walk in a straight line I have no idea how to be straight with you.

* * *

\-- GroupChat: P5II 5AY5 GH II5 REALLY FUCKIING 0LD BUT THAT’5 0KAY [N0 5EADWELLER5 ALL0WED FF5] --

Members online: hhh h horses, Jared, 19, l4wful dumb4ss, Nya Nya, Rufihoe, Spider8ite, Troll Jegus, YOUR GOD

Jared, 19: . . . YALL DIDNT HAVE TO DO THAT SHIT YA KNOW.  
hhh h horses: D=> We know.  
Jared, 19: and yet yall still all up and did it.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: YEP.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: DIID Y0U LIIKE Y0UR PARTY.  
Jared, 19: IT WAS OK.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD:  
hhh h horses:   
Jared, 19: ...yeah i did. cant believe yalls tricked me like that. gots that motherfuckin baabeast material right over my ganderbulbs. believed that bs too. was fun though i gotta say.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: >>BD  
hhh h horses: D=> BD  
l4wful dumb4ss: 1t w4s a gr34t p4rty tbh  
Spider8ite: Meenah wants me to tell you all that she enjoyed herself too.  
Spider8ite: Or should I say hershelf?   
Jared, 19: IT WAS FUN BUT YALL DIDNT HAVE TO LIKE DO ALL OF THAT. MAKES MA PUSHER FEEL WEIRD. NICE WEIRD. :o) THANKS.  
Nya Nya: 83c > psii and dl furrow good purrties considering theyre both intropurrted shut ins  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: HEY.  
hhh h horses: D=> Hay...  
Nya Nya: 83c > juuusss sayin :3c  
Jared, 19: im surprised you invited )(er.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: II MEAN. IIT’D BE RUDE N0T T0, C0N5IIDERIING Y0UR FRIIEND5HIIP WIITH )(ER.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: F0R 50ME IINANE REA50N.   
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: DUAL5CAR W0ULD HAVE BEEN IINVIITED T00 BUT C0N5IIDERIING PA5T HII5T0RY DARKLEER 5AIID IIT’5 BE5T N0T T0.  
hhh h horses: D=> We don’t need round two.  
Jared, 19: . . . YEAH FAIR.  
Troll Jegus: Y9U KN9W PSII, THE LEAST Y9U C9ULD HAVE D9NE WAS TELL ME Y9U WERE W9RKING 9N IT INSTEAD 9F P9INT 6LANK IGN9RING ME.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: 50RRY 5L. II WANTED T0 KEEP IIT UNDERWRAP5 F0R A5 L0NG A5 II P055IIBLY C0ULD.  
Troll Jegus: AND Y9U C0ULDN’T TELL ME???  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: Y0U ARE TERRIIBLE WIITH 5ECRET5.  
Troll Jegus:  
Troll Jegus: FAIR.  
Rufihoe: why wasnt 1 1nv1ted,?  
hhh h horses: D=> You keep flirting with my partner and I don’t like it.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: BECAU5E Y0U W0ULD HAVE  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: WAIIT WHAT.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: Y0U T0LD ME IIT WA5 BECAU5E HE’D PR0BABLY TAKE 5L AND QU0TE: “BANG IIN THE BATHR00M”.  
hhh h horses: D=> That too.  
Rufihoe: ,, thats fa1r ps1 tbh 1 probably would,  
Spider8ite: Hmm.  
hhh h horses: D=> Don’t you “Hmm” me.  
Spider8ite: Hmmmmmmmm........  
hhh h horses: D=> Don’t you “Hmmmmmmmm” me either!  
Rufihoe: also what 1s your deal horsey  
Rufihoe: you jealous,?  
hhh h horses: D=> No. Why w001d I be jealous of you of all people.  
hhh h horses: D=> The thought is inane at best.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: UHH.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: HM.  
Rufihoe: smells l1ke jealousyyyy,,  
hhh h horses: D=> You f*cking WISH  
Rufihoe: aw,  
Rufihoe: youre jealous because not only do you th1nk 1m FL1RT1N w ur BF,  
Rufihoe: wh1ch 1m f*ck1n not 1 have a <3< already lol, wtf why would 1 even do that,  
Troll Jegus: UGH.  
Rufihoe: youre also jst upset bc my alternate and yours broke up and ur tak1n out your alternates sorrow on me, for some reason,, lol  
YOUR GOD: ... HM. WEIRD.  
hhh h horses: D=> The hell are you talking about. That is just stupid.  
hhh h horses: D=> Pff. Your pants have already caught on fire from your lies and libel.  
hhh h horses: D=> It’s spreading. Oh no the fire is spreading.  
hhh h horses: D=> Your hive is in flames.  
hhh h horses: D=> It is falling down and there is nothing you can do to stop the carnage.  
hhh h horses: D=> It is a charred mess now and it is all your foalt because you lied.  
Rufihoe: ,,, hey are you ok  
hhh h horses: D=> What?  
hhh h horses: D=> Oh.  
hhh h horses: D=> I’m fine why do you ask?  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: II THIINK Y0U TW0 NEED AN AU5PIICE. 0R MAYBE A M0IIRAIIL.  
hhh h horses: D=> I don’t need a moirail.  
YOUR GOD: あなたはすでに一つ持っている。[ :) ]  
hhh h horses: D=> うるさい！！  
YOUR GOD: :)  
hhh h horses: D=> B/  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: . . .   
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: DEFIINIITELY AN AU5PIICE TH0UGH.  
hhh h horses: D=> I do not require anything. I’m fine.  
Rufihoe: 1 th1nk you just to get over yourself lol  
hhh h horses: D=> I am going to slaughter you.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: R05A PACT. N0 KIILLIING.   
hhh h horses: D=> HHHHHH!!!

hhh h horses is idle!

YOUR GOD: HMM.  
Rufihoe: ahaaa,  
Jared, 19: uhh  
Jared, 19: :oI  
Jared, 19: can yalls chill a bit? its gettin a liiiiil heated in chat rn.  
Rufihoe: hes just mad that 1m r1ght,  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: Y0U 5HUT UP. Y0U’RE THE 0NE AGRIIVATIING HIIM.  
Rufihoe: but am 1 wrong,?

YOUR GOD is idle!

hhh h horses is no longer idle!

hhh h horses: D=> Yes. 100%. You colt not be mare wrong than you currently are.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: Y0U 5HUT UP T00 HE W0N’T 5T0P BECAU5E Y0U KEEP TAKIING THE BAIIT.  
hhh h horses: D=>   
hhh h horses: D=> What?  
Rufihoe: ur fun to mess w1th, lmao,  
Rufihoe: st1ll dont l1ke you though  
hhh h horses: D=>   
hhh h horses: D=> What.  
Rufihoe: you dont know how fun you are to r1le up,??  
hhh h horses: D=> If what I think is happening is happening it better not be.  
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: II AM N0T THE PIINACLE 0F R0MANTIIC ADVIICE - II’M N0T EVEN G00D AT ADVIICE - BUT II WIILL 5AY THII5: Y’ALL BETTER 5T0P.  
hhh h horses: D=> This is NOT HAPPENING.  
Rufihoe: wa1t what, whats happen1ng,  
hhh h horses: D=> NO. NO NO NO.   
TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: BIITCH BETTER DM ME.  
hhh h horses: D=SJDKD;

hhh h horses is offline!

TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: UH.  
Jared, 19: IT WAS NECESSARY BRO. TRUST ME.  
Jared, 19: D=> Someone tell him to give me my phone bajjfcn  
Jared, 19: i will not  
Jared, 19: D => Pl  
Jared, 19: WMDmdsx

Jared, 19 is idle!

TECH5UPP0RT 0VERL0RD: ... GREAT.  
l4wful dumb4ss: wtf 1s 3v3n h4pp3n1ng  
Troll Jegus: Y9U KN9W WHAT THEY SAY.  
Troll Jegus: SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT DAY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!


End file.
